The Art of Being a Lady: Getting Along with Other Women


Getting along with other women can be a complicated game of unspoken rules – unless you're willing to get honest with yourself.

Just the other day I was enjoying the company of a lovely group of women, listening as they engaged in conversation about a topic that is intimately familiar to any woman who has ever walked this earth: weight. Suddenly, the phrase "chub rub" caught my attention. 

If you're in the same English-as-a-second-language boat as me, there are thousands of idioms, cliches and slang that are completely unfamiliar to you. Thus was the case with chub rub.

"What is chub rub?" I inquired with genuine sincerity. Up until now I had kept my mouth shut, very aware of their strong opinions about my own weight.

"Something you'll never have to worry about!" one woman shot back, followed by the typical onslaught of passive-aggressive comments about my weight.

Embarrassed and utterly confused, I sat in silence, bottling in my frustrations at their constant jabbing, when suddenly – before even realizing that I had opened my mouth to speak – I said, "I will be more than happy to demonstrate whether or not your theory is correct, if that's what it takes to put a stop to these constant, ridiculous jokes."

Taken aback, one woman quickly explained that they were "just kidding around" because they are "just jealous" – her exact words. 

I have a confession to make.

Had it not been for the last comment – had there not been that confirmation of what I suspected was the reason for their contempt – I would continue feeling frustrated and hurt over constantly being singled out for being the thinnest woman in the group (as if that somehow equates to not having body image issues). 

Instead of taking the opportunity to encourage and uplift the other women, I caught myself quietly reveling in their jealousy. Though I would never dream of deliberately insulting or shaming anyone about their body, I am ashamed to admit that their insecurities served as a boost to my own self-confidence – and that is just as destructive, if not even more so.

But I don't want to be that woman. I don't want someone to look at my life, or my body, or my marriage and feel bad about theirs!

The dynamics of female relationships are extremely complicated, and that's a fact. If the women in your social circle think you to be prettier, or thinner, or more successful, or better dressed, or smarter, or kinder, or more confident, or have better-behaved children or a cleaner home or a more-devoted husband or whatever else the case may be – it's safe to say your fate is sealed. On the other hand, if you find yourself on the other side of the spectrum, jealous of, or intimidated by, women who deliberately or unconsciously flaunt their body, marriage, children or life in general then your attitude towards them will always be tainted by this fact. From early childhood, we are conditioned to learn the art of pretentiousness when interacting with our female counterparts, which begs the question, "Can women really be friends with other women?"

Before you cry out in outrage that my statements are misogynist, or that your own circle of female friends is nothing short of wonderful, or that I am some sort of monster and that you would never have the audacity to react the way I did – let me clarify that by no means am I including all women under the toxic umbrella. I myself have a number of genuine female friends and can testify to how beautiful and satisfying such relationships can be – but that becomes possible only after we've personally sorted through our own insecurities, from which our passive-aggressive behavior stems. 

The sugarcoating, the manipulation, the judgmental looks, the repressed emotions, the fake smiles, the holier-than-thou attitudes, the backhanded compliments, the gossiping – you know exactly the kind of behavior I'm talking about, and I will be the first to admit how often I fail, despite my best efforts. This widespread acceptance of what can only be described as a disgustingly distorted idea of female relationships is disturbing. 

I want to encourage women (myself included) to analyze our hearts, to dig through the repressed emotions and fully deal with our insecurities. Let's vow to be more honest with ourselves and more open and genuine with others. Honesty is the only way to break the vicious cycle of jealousy and comparison. 

In a continued effort of promoting transparency, below are some hard lessons I've learned for myself. Consider them confessions of sorts. By no means am I insinuating these lessons apply to your life as well; I only share my thoughts hoping that we can all move forward with a newfound awareness and desire to put forth effort to show honesty, humbleness and grace toward the women around us. Our power as women is in our ability to love and to connect, and if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest, we are bound to find supportive and healthy female friendships.

  1. If you do not have genuine female friends, chances are that you're the problem – not them. Analyze your behavior: Do you question the motives of every woman who opts to wear heels rather than your idea of "appropriate footwear"? Do you proudly declare that you get along with men better than women? Do you secretly hate when another woman shares with you her story of success and interpret her actions as gloating? You can't litter negativity everywhere and then wonder why you can't connect with others on a deeper level. 
  2. Confrontation is hard, but unless you meet those unresolved feelings of hurt straight-on, you will soon be left with no friends at all. Tension, if not dealt with properly, has a way of unraveling the strongest of relationships.
  3. On a similar note, the old adage that nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of a third is, unfortunately, true. Sometimes so-called friendships are built entirely on the fact that two women hate a third. Analyze the female friendships in your life: Why are you friends? What is it that you have in common? If the only thing you bond over is your dislike of another woman, it may be time to find new friends.
  4. Some women truly need to be called out on their catty nonsense, but do it only if you're willing to be called out on yours. But don't sacrifice your peace trying to point out someone's true colors. Lack of character always, always reveals itself in due time. Besides, the people who hurt you typically do it in an attempt to heal themselves, and when you become aware of that, your desire to "put them in their place" disappears altogether.
  5. There will always be somebody prettier, smarter, better dressed, thinner, wealthier, more successful, etc. than you. It's natural to feel intimidated, but if you can't sort through your insecurities and learn to deal with this fact in a healthy way then you will always, always be miserable. Similarly, if you have women in your life with whom you interact only to feel better about yourself and your own life, it's time to face reality. Whether or not we're willing to admit it to ourselves, we find some sort of sick satisfaction when other women feel envious or intimidated by us. It's bad, and it needs to stop. Go the extra mile to prove that you are more than a pretty face, that your life is not as perfect as it seems and that you need friends, too.

Now, I want to know what you think: What are your thoughts on genuine female friendships – do they exist? Are there parts of this article you agree or disagree with? Have you ever felt threatened or intimidated by other women? How did you deal with it? Are there women with whom you interact only to feel better about yourself? Do you secretly gain satisfaction from the jealousy of other women?

I can't wait to hear what you have to say!




  1. This article hit home. The women in the circle of friends that my partner has been hanging around with feel very superficial & always looking for attention with constant calling on him, looking for his eyes, touching or hugging my partner. This has created animosity in my relationship due to his lack of boundaries and my sensitivity. It’s been almost 2 years and he still gives in to their pressure and doesn’t know how to be in his masculinity, leaving me emotional insecure with his poor choices. We are talking about it, making a few behavioral agreements and working at letting go, but it’s an exhausting task. I recently join a group of “Women Circle” to know how to resolve my projections and heal my own child wounds. Thank you for letting me vent.

  2. I am so glad I read the comments! Because I am not alone in this. One thing I know for sure, females are difficult and sometimes impossible to get along with for many of the reasons already mentioned. As a woman in her 50s, I have had enough female friends to know why women instinctively hate on one another for no legitimate reason. And it is because they are threatened by that female for one reason or another. So it is not you! We are constantly being told, “do not dim your light” yet when you do shine there are females trying to snuff you out in some form or fashion. You cannot look your best, feel your best, or be your best without opposition from some other female. Some female’s are just programmed this way, may be its because the ratio of men to women are what 1 to 10, something like that lol.

  3. I have absolutely no female friends and haven’t for years. I don’t totally agree with your article. For years it seems the moment I walk into a room, I’m instantly disliked and shunned before I even get a chance to open my mouth. I’ve tried small talk, eye contact. You name it I’ve tried it. Quite often I feel left out and completely ignored. And god forbid there are men around as well, they happen to notice I’m by myself and being ignore. That just seems to. Add to the. Hated.
    I try to avoid conversation about weight because I am thin, I’ve had 3 children that are now grown. I try to avoid mentionng my age, especially when I hear they are younger or same age as myself yet I look younger than them.
    When out with a group of couples I always feel left out. If I start to speak I get cut off and left out of conversation. The men have a guys night out and the ladies set up a girls night out yet guess who has never ever been invited.
    I’ve been told I look intimidating. Personally, I think I’m average in looks etc. I’m nice fun funny polite.
    So needless to say I’ve pretty much given up on having a female friend some one to talk to about things you can talk to a man about. Ugh it gets rather lonely at times.

    • I can really relate to this! I think the trick is to find someone in your same boat to connect with. I’d be your friend! When my son started school and was trying to make friends, I told him to go find the kid sitting by himself at lunch and make friends with him. It was advice that really did help him. Same with other parents from school. I don’t hang with the crowd, I search for my kind, the other loner parents. Lol

    • Oh my goodness I am just like you. The Only women I have as friends are 20 years older than me, the ones in their 70s who are retired, play cards and aren’t trying to get a man. I am hated by just about every women I get to know, usually they don’t ditch me until they get to know me personally then it’s history. I am overweight, my parents are passed on yet people are still jealous, I don’t get it at all. The only thing I can figure out is I have been married since I was 22, I am 48, have a beautiful home, voice and on the outside my life looks peachy, but that still doesn’t explain why women wealthier than me still ignore me and purposely leave me out. I am honest to a fault and not a follower at all, in fact I call out things that are ridiculous and I think that might have something to do with it but Deep down I think it’s something much larger.

    • Karen, I can completely relate with you! I am in my 50s, have two grown kids, I’m average in looks, average weight, my life is good, but no better than the other women I’ve tried to make friends with. I have a few high school friends that I’ve been able to stay in contact with but can’t seem to gain any new friends. I have tried connecting with the mothers of my children’s friends as they grew up, which was a failure. I followed my mom’s advice as always treating others as you would like to be treated. I am not a bitch or mean, if anything, I’m probably too nice. I have women that will noticeably avoid me if they see me at the grocery store or ignore me completely if they walk by me, even though I say hi to them, even though I’ve talked to them in the past. I have tried everything to figure out what I’ve done wrong to illicit this kind of response from other women but just can’t figure it out. So I have given up, there’s nothing else I can do to remedy this situation that I know of. You’re right it does get lonely and confusing. Just letting you know you aren’t the only one!

    • I don’t exactly go searching for friends but women don’t take to me easy either. I don’t want to assume jealousy because I haven’t accomplished much other than staying alive to the age of 40. I look young and am Latina. But yes I’d love to have a good girlfriend. I feel like maybe because I don’t have things or fit in. I don’t have a job as a stay at home mom but also I move around a lot with husband so not a homeowner. Just feel like a failure sometimes. But I think I’m interesting and kind. Would love to be friends.

  4. I came to this site today because I have a women’s luncheon. It’s never easy for me to join into a group of women, mostly because I find it hard to enjoy it. I’ve always tried to be an individual, be my own person, and find new ways to do things. Ouch! That can be a turn-off to women who feel stuck in stale marriages, old traditions, closed off personalities, for instance. I know it sounds like I’m judging, but to find a place among other women takes some adapting on my part. But adapting to what? How? Basically, I can’t act, but I’m getting the hang of it. It’s not fun. That’s how I feel around other women. It’s mostly fine until one woman out of the bunch decides to close off to anything I say— clearly snubbing. I recover my cool, even though I’m thinking… really? And I wonder if it’s something I said, or because I’m not overweight, or because I have a masters degree and I do art therapy. I deserve to be ignored, right? Maybe I should join networking women who are so competitive that real communication is almost impossible, and not worth the effort. That’s it. Just that, and still no real solution other than just rolling with the punches— not fun.

    • This article is such a fantastic exploration of a subject that could fill volumes. I’m in my fifties. I have always struggled hard to interpret what appears a mine field of complex, often cruel, and emotionally fraught communication between women friends. For fifteen years I’ve been the less-liked friend in a female trio in which there are often accidental mentions of get-togethers I wasn’t invited to and exchanges of knowing looks between the two other members of the trio. I’ve tried to go my own way and not be hurt by the exclusion—given how brutal these women are it’s almost a compliment to be excluded—but it has hurt many many times. I’ve tried everything from direct discussions with the “leader” who dictates the toxic tone and shuns when the silent dictates aren’t observed. This person has been dealt many terrible blows of fate to family and health in the intervening years, so finding ways to support has been a challenge. In the last two years I’ve largely deemed it toxic and let it go.

      I had a situation in middle school where a very strong, socially controlling girl-leader in a large female friend group told all the other girls that I was “weird” and that they should all stop talking to me immediately. As a 12 year old in an alcoholic family, I was so confused by the shunning but sensitive enough to pick up every slight. One kind girl in the group, I’ll never forget, took me aside two weeks into the hell and said “hey. J told everyone to stop talking to you. It’s really awful and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.” Publicly she *had* to shun me or be shunned but privately she had given me the gift of information. The girl leader, ironically enough, grew up and started a non-profit kindness campaign organization—yes, I’m serious—and gets good citizen awards and accolades all over the Southwest. I wonder often who she’s privately bullying behind this public persona of kindness.

      I gained a lot of inner strength and self-reliance from this treatment in middle school and tried hard to see what I’d done to contribute to it.

      40 years later, I was basically in the same situation, one of the women in the trio dictating a tone of cruelty: if you don’t want to $hit talk other women in a jealous way, if you don’t want to talk about hating your spouse, or bitch about how terrible everything is, you’re out. I met these women in my mid-thirties while raising kids. The “leader” separates the friends and controls the social scene in order to divide and conquer. If you abase yourself and participate per her rules, you’re in. She’s charming and smart, and can appear kind, but these tactics are toxic. The “favored”
      woman is constant sycophant to the “leader” saying things like, “you are SO right!” “You are so amazing!” when the leader is being cruel/cutting/insecure, cementing herself as the chosen friend against the rest of the world—including myself. It was almost a compliment to be the outsider in that ugly scenario.

      Needless to say: when this happens repeatedly in your life, if it’s become a pattern, it’s time to cut and run. find better, healthier friends or do without. I’m here to tell you that I’m doing a combination of both now. I have a couple other women friends who don’t behave like this EVER. I also just go it alone much of the time. It’s hard to make new friends at 55 but possible. And going it alone is lonely, but I feel stronger now and am happy not to be shunned anymore in middle school fashion, or catching the looks and whispers between the other two that I never understood. Some people are just mean spirited and insecure. Ask yourself: do I deserved better than mean and toxic? You do! Life is a work in progress and we can figure out how to be happier, healthier in our relationships. It’s not healthy to bond over cruelty or to exclude others or be excluded. If this is happening in your life, see it. change it. You have the power. And if you’re one of these insecure bullies treating other women like chess pieces in a manipulative game, ask yourself why, and pay attention to your actions in social situations. It won’t serve you.

  5. I agree with and relate to this on so many levels! As a 40 year old woman, I’ve spent a lot of time navigating toxic male and female relationships – both in my immediate family and in my friend groups – for years. I admit that I’ve been a manipulative, toxic friend and acquaintance to both male and female friends, but have been on the receiving end just as much (actually moreso at certain times in my life), to the point where I’ve cut the majority of people out of it! I currently only have a small group of friends I trust and speak to regularly, rarely gossip about others anymore, and stay home more than I socialize. I’ve spent many years feeling guilty about not feeling uplifted, supported, or energized by women, but to be honest, I still don’t really have a desire to form new female friendships, mostly because I find women to require so much emotional labor and maintenance. I feel lonlier than if I made an effort, but am also tired of the power plays and emotional blackmail women use to make themselves feel better during different stages of their lives. I’m way better at entertaining myself and being alone than surrounding myself with people just to look like I have a lot of (fake) female friendships! This is what hobbies are for: Get into them and leave bad friends in the dust. Thanks again for sharing when so many of us feel the same way!

  6. I grew up with a mom who was stuck in the 16yr old persona, so she was basically my sister throughout my tween&teen years. It was fun but at the same time she took out alot of her aggression on me which put me through serious stress and depression for most of my teen years. And her dependency on me was so toxic she had another child in response to me moving out of the house when I refused to come back. Because of this, I have tremendous difficulty relating with other women now and even though I try, I never can seem to get that same type of friendship like I see in others. I know I’m not the toxic one but I feel that I attract toxic people, and I dont know how to avoid that except avoiding people alltogether. I can say I have 2 friends at least, but it’d be nice to have more, like say 10

    • So many of these replies resonate with me. I have a very similar issue and I also believe it’s because of my mom who was an alcoholic when I was a baby. I don’t understand how to relate to women, I don’t trust them and I also attract toxic nutcase women ( often BPD) who abuse, manipulate and attempt to use me as a punching bag. At this point I have no interest in pursuing anything with women anymore. I can keep myself company.. .and of course… men :).
      Admittedly, I do wonder how much of this is my own fault… I’d like to think I’m a pretty good friend. I’m kind and loyal and complimentary but maybe there is something about me that makes women treat me badly. I’m pretty but I don

  7. Well this article makes me think. I knew it was a me problem but could never figure out what I did wrong. It’s amazing to actually read that there are others that have problems making or keeping friends with other women. I had female friends in high school but as soon as I become a mother I could not make friends with other women. I really needed friends when I had young children at home. It was a lonely time and I sometimes look back at it and want to hate those women that wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to understand what I was doing wrong but have never figured it out. Now my kids are grown and those women are still around. I do have a couple of friends that I have maintained a friendship with from high school thank goodness but I still wouldn’t mind having a group of women friends but that obviously is not going to happen. So I try to be content with what I have

    • Not super cool or compassionate to call BPD people…or anyone with a mental health disorder a nutcase. Another shitty stereotype of beautiful women…. they’re crazy. Thanks for sharing and hearing this!

      • There are parts that I agree to this article. I hope or like to think you can have true female friendships but it seems I have found very few. I disagree what this being my fault. I feel like part of the reasons I have become more distant to my friends is because I refused to play that game. In high school I was so insecure what they would be saying behind my back so i never bonded closely with them. I was the “skinny” girl and hated everyone’s remarks on my body. The jealousy. It made me feel insecure even though they were positive. I just wanted to be me and have a girl friend. I argue its not me but I am the common factor. If it is me, I would change to fix this. (without giving up my values)

  8. Now in my mid-60s. Had many male friends, and female friends over the years. My experience: Women in secure relationships do not get catty and weird with you inre. your interactions with their men. Women who do not know you are ready to judge you harshly & view you as competition. They are insecure in themselves/their relationships. A woman (especially a single one) cannot be a friend to a guy without being a friend to his woman first, otherwise DRAMA you do not want or need. Men? They all think with their sex first. If you approach them all with this in mind, you will save yourself alot of grief. They are always on the look out for a vulnerable woman. Every time I have been in a traumatic place in my life is when they swoop in to be a savior, of course looking to get the sex they aren’t getting from their relationship or whatever. No real concern for you, regardless of how they paint it. Cynical or real? You decide.. For me even at this stage of life where I am now single again, I face the same dynamic. When I had a man in my home, I was less of a “threat” or a “morsel.” Now I am free.

  9. I experienced so much vitriol from my mother, the girls and women at my girls’ school growing up and beyond, that I’d prefer a nice glass of wine – or a man, over a woman any day. Mind you we are all full of hormones. I’m in the menopause and even less inclined to deal with other women right now.

  10. Wow, this post has been very enlightening for me. I am that woman that it seems all other women hate. I’ve known that I must be doing something wrong in my relationship with women, but what. So now I have some insight. As I tend to be the jealous one and over compensate, I think. Then I’m bragging and comparing and I tend not to able to be genuine. Instead I’m trying to make my self look good enough to make them like me. I genuinely like all the women I meet but I’m usually fearful that they will try to take my man, and many try. Ugh! I have never ever tried to take anyone’s man, however some have flirted or seemed like flirted with me. This can make it even more complicated. I am not a gossip. I genuinely pray daily for the best for everyone. I just haven’t yet figured out how not to seem like I think I am better or else to insecure. I wish I was very witty and had a great sense of humor or something, as it seems like that might help. I am trying to become more trusting and therefore more open. I will keep trying. But it’s lonely, for now.
    I actually have a really great life, I think, and am very thankful for that, and I enjoy my own company. But I will keep trying to become someone women like. Thank you and I will stay tuned. Happy to have found this information.

  11. My mom raised me with phrases like “you don’t need other people” or “you don’t need to please anyone” or “makeup is a mask for ugly people”, etc. she also talked crap about every single woman in her life, including all family members. I am now 37 years old and realizing that I carried a lot of that behavior and I need to change that. I will say, it is really hard to change my mind set. It takes a lot of mindfulness, and having low self esteem makes it even harder.
    I struggle to find “positive intent” in other women. I don’t trust them because I always assume they will trash me behind my back just like my mother used to do. I know it is a “me” problem, but it is extremely hard to break a 37 year old habit.

  12. I guess the problem stems from women being mostly insecure. If you are a confident, attractive successful women you will need to find women of the same caliber, which unfortunately seems to be lacking. I never could understand why women focused so much on other women’s body, relationship, success, etc and become jealous instead of using that same energy to improving their own lives. That is the cure for jealousy and insecurity and would allow for a lot more meaningful and genuine friendships among women.

    • Yes, agree! This is exactly why I struggle with friending other women. It almost always turns into a therapist role for me and I’m never listened to or really cared about. It’s never 50/50.

    • That’s exactly it! Any female friend I have ever had was confident, beautiful, and self assured and that is what made our friendship so cool. Female’s like that are a rare breed.

  13. I am sad that I do not have more female friends. I have constantly examined what it is that I could be responsible for in these matters. The simple fact is nothing. I support other women. I acknowlege other womens gifts such as beauty, intelligence, style, character. It seems as if though that is the exact opposite what the women I encounter want from me. As you said so yourself, they WANT me to be jealous. It gets exhausting & I lose patience & interest fast. I have resigned myself to being happy with my children & partner as well as enjoying my own company.

  14. I am in a constant struggle with myself to not just walk away from all female friends outside of my family. It is too distracting from my work and my happiness to constantly try to interpret what another woman is feeling or thinking. I must have a man’s brain in a female body. I am just not good with other women. I prefer the company of my dogs.

  15. The article was great until I read the statement “You are the problem”. Making or accusing one person as to reasons they don’t have female friends is exactly the problem. We need to stop placing blame on one side leaving the the other parties (women who participate in gossip, are mean or feed into the distrust) off the hook. Friendships between women like in any relationship is two-sided. I have a large family of 5 sisters, and a few close female friends and mostly male friends. In speaking with other people and observing I realize, real discussions behind why we women feel the way we do and do what we do (unspoken dividing lines) need to be addressed or the blame needs to stop. Otherwise, they’ll be no resolution because we’re all just “playing nice” .

    • If we find ourselves repeating patterns quite possibly, we ARE the problem.
      The common denominator law.

    • American society doesn’t let women be real and truthful. So we are forced to relate in passive aggressive ways and the women outside of this are not accepted. Also some individual men and women are just not good people. We need to stop accepting the idea of one gender being morally superior or tying our identities to male gender ideologies. Men aren’t teaching young girls to be bullies in second grade. That is coming from the individuals alone. Men aren’t teaching some adult women to go after married or couples men. That comes from the individual morals of a person. Women can’t be friends cause we want to act like assholes to each other (jealousy, racism, attention seeking, attempts at man stealing), but not be called out for it. Men aren’t much better honestly. It’s really a societal issue of fakeness and superficial relating that makes us all avoid one another.

  16. Hello, I like this article. Unfortunately, I’m one of the ones who struggle to make female friends. I’m always the one getting pushed out. I know it’s because of contemptuous attitudes towards women. My entire life is filled with women who have been mean and abusive towards me, and I developed a negative attitude towards women. I couldn’t befriend a woman without thinking she is going to try to fight me, make fun of me, or backstab me. I realized it was me and my unresolved issues with females of the past that has left me unconsciously questioning their motives and intentions, inadvertently building tension.

    On the other hand, I have had friendships with women that when we meet they gossip about what some other female that was supposedly a friend did to them.

  17. Funny enough I think it was that feeling of satisfaction that broke the cycle for me.
    I’d always been the one losing at my self-initiated game of compare and despair so the first time I realized that other women were looking at me and feeling the exact same things it was the first time I understood how much I have in common with the women around me. Now when I feel those insecurities creeping in and I’m thinking oh man I’m not as funny as that girl or pretty or confident I try to stop myself and instead think man that girl is funny/ pretty/ confident/ whatever… and I can instead of letting myself feel bad I can admire and enjoy the company of this wonderful woman that otherwise I would have been using to put myself down.

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  19. This is a great article!! I was the problem and stuck in a never ending cycle of negativity back when I was about 19. It was misery. We would talk crap and cause drama and feed off the responses. They were doing it back and it just kept going. It never made anyone feel better. One day i saw what i was doing and hated the person i was. I remembered knowing only one person in high school who didn’t talk crap about people and i said i wanted to be like that. My life changed drastically and i made a lot of really good friends. I’m not saying i never speak badly about people but nowadays they have to deserve it. I will gladly talk about someone for being a mean person or for not being able to control their cattiness. I will not speak badly about someone for their lifestyle choices, clothes, job, size, etc. If a woman is prettier than me, that’s great for her and I’ll gladly compliment them and mean it. It drives me insane how most women are.. even women in their 30s like myself who cannot get along at all. It shows their insecurity and makes them look really stupid. Don’t be that girl! :)

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  26. I love this post. I am lucky enough to have some great female friendships but I have also been on both the giving and receiving end of some serious girl-on-girl hate. Most of it boiled down to competing for attention, from guys, from other friends, from coworkers. It took me working on myself to get to a point where I don’t feel like I need to one up the woman next to me. That and growing up. It makes me think of a meme that I’ve seen circulating for a while that says “girls compete with each other, women empower each other.” We need to teach more girls to empower each other from day 1.

  27. Thank you for sharing honest and open thoughts about female friendships. I do have close female friendships and I do agree that in order to have a healthy one you have to branch out beyond a dislike of someone else. I grow very tired of girl-on-girl hate. I’ve definitely been a victim of it and at times felt frustrated when I see someone else who knows more or advances careerwise as I am left behind and forgotten. How do I deal with it? By improving my own skills and relationships with others. I look up classes, take trainings, and show others what they can do to learn more. I also take a step back and realize the value I already do have and utilize those skills on a project at work. In the end there will unfortunately be insecure people who are jealous and mean to you and you will never understand why. I do my best to respond to them confidently but not catty. And, to those who are jealous, if you want your situation to be different, change your life. I’m in full support of people making changes to have a better life, even if I don’t always get along with them. Go for it!

    • Hi Brooke, thanks so much for shopping by and sharing your thoughts! One of my favorite quotes is “Be so busy improving yourself, that you have no time to criticize others.” It serves as a good reminder that if we’ve got time to be sitting around and criticizing others, then we’re not living our life to its fullest potential. Besides, you can’t litter negativity everywhere and expect to have a positive life, right?

      At the same time, as much of a proponent of self-improvement as I am, I also have to realize that my self-identity doesn’t lie in my skills or talents or how close my friendships are or how much money I make, or how quickly I advance in my career, etc. I have to be completely content with myself without all the “bells and whistles,” if you know what I mean, because self-improvement is more about a mental shift than anything else. Wishing you success with all you’ve set out to do! XO

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  31. I found you through IFB and I love this post. I’m lucky enough to have some genuinely wonderful female friends, but also a number of friendships that have unhealthy traits. However, I believe that even in the really good relationships, we women have a tendency to compare ourselves, which can result in unhealthy jealousy. For example, my best friend is a stay-at-home mom, while I work full time outside of the home. We both respect one another’s situations, but I know there are times I’m jealous that her husband makes enough to support their family on a single income, and she sometimes gets jealous that I get to dress up for work and interact with adults while she deals with playgroups and nap times. It’s so hard to be satisfied by what you have, even if you know logically that the grass isn’t always greener…

  32. I really appreciate this post! As a woman I realize these things are true and exist among us, but often I try to ignore them, which never resolves anything. Sometimes it even makes matters worse. I came to extremely hate jealousy amongst women. And I agree that most women put others down in attempt to feel better about themselves. So, when someone says something snotty my way, I try to see them in a different perspective and forgive them the hurt, but it’s so hard! Because my self defense and sense of pride screams to be hateful towards them from then on. It becomes an unseen inner battle that I have to face. So, let’s start by encouraging other women and reflecting on our selves to be the woman we want others to be ☺️ Thank you for this wonderful post!

  33. While reading this I thought of several of my friendships, and reflected on what problems may be present. Its so eye opening to consider yourself the problem. I think my relationships will definitely benefit from some introspective reflection on my part. Thank you for another great post!!

    • Hi Tamara! Thank you so much for stopping by! It’s terrifying to be so open and transparent about the ugly side of our innermost world – to put our most vulnerable self out there for people to judge – so I truly appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts! I’m very happy to hear you’ve already taken a stand to be more reflective in your relationships, and I would be delighted if you decide to share any stories of progress! XOXO, Oksana

      • I wanted to add to my earlier comment, after thinking about it. I wanted to add that I do have one girlfriend who lives in another state. We talk every few months for two or three hours. She has a successful insurance business. We’ve been friends for 25 years. I have several women who used to be clients of mine and they friended me on Facebook. And a couple other old friends from when I lived in other towns, but come to think of it they are all very strong confident women. Just realizing this helps my processing. Thank you.

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